Intertwined Bloggery

I’ve pretty much come to terms that Jon Symons is the only person that reads this blog, and I want to say that this is ok with me. I have succumbed to the realization that my words/thoughts/ideas at this stage in my life cannot really affect anything/anyone. It is kind of like our own secret mental affair that he can read my thoughts and gain insight into the chaos that is my life. That sounds like home to me.

Today I started back at the old Alma Mater- woo hoo!! It all came back to me how much I detest the first couple weeks of school. From the posers, to the nerds, to the preps, to those who take themselves far too seriously. I realized today how many observations/assumptions that I make of people. Maybe it is because I don’t like to look internally, or is it beacuse it is easier to judge others, reagardless of my verbal diarrhea, the point I am trying to make rather bumbly is that watching others flit around in their little ‘box’ lives as I like to call them I realized once again, a prevalent theme in today’s day brought to you by the letter Q and the number 6, is that how small our worlds are. I have come to recognize that my life consists of work, school, sleeping, eating, nothing, more work, and general shit. Do I think my life is important? On the contrary my good man. Do the people I observe from a far. Of course they do, if they didn’t why yould I be writing this? Geez, how predictable I know. These people live out their box lives and will spend all of their lives mostly living within 25 kilometres f where they were born, and will end up basically where their parents are or perhaps better, it’s a crapshoot. Your life becomes defined by your repetative schedule and indulgances of self-importance, instead of by the acts they do. You basically live in a box allowing people in, but not really. It’s like the boomarang effect. Your life is cyclic and always comes back to you. I wonder if everyone who thinks they are are actually at the centre of the universe what would happen to their centres of gravity, or gravitational pull? How are people attracted to their high maintenance pull/lives? It hurts my head to try to understand such a phenemenon. It must be this tremendous act that cause natural disasters, climate changes, overall terribly heinous acts to grave to pause a second breath/type upon. If these people are at the centre of the world then why do they cause a black hole effect. They suck in/attract weak objects/people like flies to honey. The insecurities of one shelters the weak from their own, and helps them to seek refuge from their own lives.

Now writing this makes me think how could a girl of only twenty one pure years become so cynical? I question you to look at me, then look at yourselves and ask why am I not? Have I been jaded by years of abuse? mistreatment? or am I just some old fogey re-incarnated to spread the cynical, pessimistic word out to all you youngin’s. I don’t know. I started to think back as far as I could go and have decided that I have always been kind of a dark cloud. I am not a very positive person, yet think of myself as a realist. A realist? What the hell does that mean? It means my interpretation of what I see/say/think/do is done with the purest of intentions, and see the world/peoples intentions/motives for what they are. I know that stores offer sales so taht you will buy more shit than you ever would need. Who needs a four pack of pianos anyways? Yet we all continue to live our consumer-driven lives, only allowing for self-introspection when something shakes up our routine monotonous existances. Even if we come to the conclusion that we are living a farce, I ask is it easier to change the pattern or continue to live the lie as it is working for you so far? Hmmm
much contemplation is needed. Will ponder and post my thoughts at a different time.

Much hoped inner contemplation to all.